I don’t see how that event is supposed to be a memorable one because its once in a lifetime. I mean who would want to remember all the negative feelings. I’m not saying nothing good came out of it. There is. 1 or 2 of it I’d say thank god. But the rest? And I try to not think about it because well the main purpose of it is fulfilled right? But I can’t not recall it when the main purpose itself reminds me every bit of it. I just still don’t think it’s fair. And now I get kinda envious looking at others when it’s not right I shouldn’t feel that way. But I can’t help it. It’s not fair. And I am so frustrated with myself. I can’t even say my point out clearly. I can’t even stand up for myself. I crack at the slightest tone difference and I break at any tone increase. Because I guess it’s my nature and that makes it shitty. Makes me shit. Because people always think they can say and do things to me and I’ll just suck it in. They know I won’t retaliate I won’t rebel I won’t voice out. Yeah all that. It goes into my head, heats up, and leaves a bloody print like a branding iron does. And it makes me feel so broken. So so so broken. Because I’d hate myself. Apart from hating almost everyone I hate myself the most. Because I’m just a little pea. I should just be stomped on. Why am I so damn bloody f ucking fragile. F uck respect because its supposed to work both ways. And not either way. Bloody shithead to me for still holding on to respect when the other side as shown shit. I hate me.

Guess whose self esteem dropped all time low just before an important day because of some things that were said that happened just hours before.

Tomorrow’s the day and ive been keeping everything inside and im so afraid I’ll burst.

He’s the one

Thank you for pulling me back.